The Therapist’s Chair Series: Unpacking interpersonal conflict, limbic reactivity, and emotional de-escalation with Paulo Karat.
As a psychotherapist, I spend a lot of my time unpacking interpersonal conflict and the suffering it creates. So often, the root cause is defensiveness. Applying mindfulness for conflict resolution allows us to recognise when we feel threatened, misunderstood, or defensive before emotional reactivity takes over. When conflict arises, raw emotion from our old emotional brain, the limbic region can escalate situations rapidly.
Many of us dig in during arguments, justifying our reactions and emotions to feel better about what might have been an unreasonable comment. Pride and embarrassment deepen the disconnect.
De-escalation starts with recognising and validating what is at the core of our reaction a form of self-compassion. You might acknowledge: “She completely dismissed my viewpoint! She made me feel weird and stupid.” Writing your feelings down helps clarify your story before communicating. Always test your action impulses first: notice if your chest is tight, your heart is pumping, or your breathing is shallow. Acting in haste from limbic reactivity leads to regret and further defensiveness.
Using Mindfulness for Conflict Resolution & De-escalation The best way I have found to help myself and my therapy clients navigate and repair these real-time crises is through mindfulness training specifically using tools like the ‘Hot Cross Bun’ framework to notice thoughts, body sensations, emotions, and impulses to act.
Want a deeper dive into these practical approaches? Join us for a retreat at Roseland Farm to explore mindfulness in a supportive, natural environment.
All the best,
Paulo Karat
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